If you're reading this, you're likely struggling with something that so many of us have faced at one point or another—how to stop watching porn.
It's a common battle, and for many, it feels insurmountable. Maybe you feel lost in how to even begin pursuing freedom. Or maybe you've been trying different things with limited results. And if so, I know how you feel.
I tried everything. Filters, accountability, therapy, recovery groups—the whole gamut. But despite all these efforts, the moment temptation hits, it all falls apart. You find yourself once again in the cycle of guilt and shame, wondering, “Why can’t I break free of porn? What am I missing?”
I know the frustration of doing all the "right" things—attending groups, installing filters, diving deep into the "why" of my addiction—and still feeling helpless when that intense urge strikes.
You’re not alone, and the good news is, there’s a way out. The reason our plan fails when temptation hits is simple—we’re focusing on the wrong thing. Let’s break it down and, more importantly, talk about how to fix it.
Why Fighting Temptation Doesn’t Work
I spent years thinking that self-discipline was the secret sauce to quit porn. But after years of fighting urges with all my might and still failing, I realized that self-control wasn’t the answer. In fact, it wasn’t even a factor in my eventual success. What was the missing piece?
The real game changer for me was when I discovered the concept of "allowing the urge." Rather than pushing against the temptation to watch porn, I chose to turn towards it. Not in a way that gave in, but in a way that accepted the urge without judgment or shame. I acknowledged it, let it exist, and in doing so, stripped it of its power. This might sound counterintuitive (and it is!), but this approach transformed my entire journey toward porn addiction recovery and was the missing piece that set me free after over 20 years of struggling.
Here’s why resisting doesn’t work: when we resist an urge, we actually make it stronger. Research shows that when you fight against and resist a craving, it increases its intensity and it's duration. That's the opposite of what we're trying to achieve!
But the studies also show that when you breathe, acknowledge the urge without judgment, and you give it permission to be there, this helps reduce the strength of the craving, and shortens its lifespan.
The Power of Awareness Over Willpower
One of the biggest revelations I had when I began using this new method of "allowing the urge," and I started having exhilarating victories, is I was not having to rely on self-control.
The one prerequisite that WAS needed was self-awareness.
Awareness is what allows you to stay present when that familiar urge creeps in. Instead of automatically following it down the same destructive path, awareness gives you the space to pause, recognize the urge for what it is, and choose a different response. This isn’t some mystical or unattainable state—it’s something anyone can develop with the right tools and practice. And the best part? It’s much easier than trying to build up willpower.
Practicing awareness is as simple as taking a deep breath when you feel that initial craving. By doing this, you break the automatic cycle of temptation and reaction. Suddenly, you’re no longer in “porn zombie mode,” mindlessly following the urge. You’re back in the driver’s seat, in control of your actions.
How Mental Rehearsal Can Help You Overcome Porn Addiction
So how do you GET more awareness in that frontline moment of temptation?
The most effective tool I’ve found for building awareness in those high-stakes moments is something called mental rehearsal.
Think of Michael Jordan sitting in the locker room visualizing himself making the game-winning shot. Think of Tiger Woods "seeing" the ball roll into the hole as he's about to swing his putter. You can do the same thing with temptation.
You can mentally rehearse handling your cravings before they happen, and it's extremely powerful. This simple daily practice has been one of the biggest keys to my success in breaking free from pornography addiction.
Mental rehearsal works because it uses the brain’s natural ability to predict future scenarios.
Here's the thing: 95% of the time, we KNOW when we're going to face that frontline temptation. We know when the urge is likely to hit! Maybe it’s late at night when we’re alone, or during a stressful moment in our day. By mentally rehearsing these moments and picturing yourself implementing your plan, you prepare yourself to respond in a healthier way when the real thing happens (by the way, if you want the exact plan that set me free from 20 years of porn addiction, it's right here for free).
Studies show that mental rehearsal reduces the intensity of cravings by up to 30% and increases impulse regulation by 20%. That’s HUGE! Plus, it’s easy to do. As in, it takes literally 2-3 minutes per day.
How To Practice In Advance
Here's how to install this easy, but powerful habit of mental rehearsal into daily life:
Every morning before you start your day, sit down, close your eyes, and ask this question: "When will I likely feel the urge to watch porn today?" You should get an answer very quickly when you think about your day ahead. Again, 95% of the time, temptation is predictable.
Once you have that circumstance in mind, picture yourself IN THAT CIRCUMSTANCE. See yourself in that time and place later that day, and imagine yourself feeling that intense urge in that moment.
Next, visualize yourself implementing your plan in response to the intense craving. Mentally rehearse feeling that intense craving, pausing, taking a breath, and doing the predetermined steps in your plan.
That's it. Two or three minutes later and you've boosted your chances of staying aware and actually implementing your plan when you feel tempted.
And to make it even easier for you, listen to episodes 28 or 29 of the podcast for a three-minutes walkthrough of this mental rehearsal process (episode 28 has no background music, and episode 29 has background music).
I challenge you to try this mental rehearsal practice for a week. And watch what happens.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Do you want to know how you can automatically increase your chance of attaining real, lasting freedom in your life by 70%?
The research shows that individuals who regularly participate in RECOVERY COMMUNITIES have a 70% higher chance of achieving one year of sobriety compared to those who don't engage in community support.
A 70% higher chance of achieving one year of sobriety. Just by being in a recovery community.
Think about that for a second.
How would your life be different if you went the next year without porn?
What would it mean for you to spend the next year of your life experiencing daily peace and confidence, rather than shame and guilt?
How many more hours would you have to invest in your work, in your family, in your life, towards things that bring you joy and meaning and purpose.
Imagine one year of using that time you used to watch porn, and reinvesting those hours on a goal or a dream that is meaningful to you.
What would life look like for you a year from now if porn was no longer part of your life?
Well, you can automatically boost your chances by 70% of making this your reality. Simply by not going it alone.
And if you resonate with what you've been reading and you want to learn more about joining a community where we will actually install the three keys to learn the skill of urge mastery and move into a life of meaning, purpose, and exhilarating freedom, email me to learn about Journeymen! (dan@newpaths.me)
You're not alone on this journey, far from it.
Take the next step today!
Subscribe to The New Paths Podcast! (APPLE PODCASTS OR SPOTIFY)
Find out why you haven't been able to stop: GET THE FREE "MISSING PIECE GUIDE"
Never wonder again what to DO when you feel tempted: DOWNLOAD THE PATH PLAN
Porn addiction coaching: APPLY TO JOIN THE JOURNEYMEN SMALL GROUP TRAINING!
Transcript: Episode #123: (Part 2) THE Three Keys To Effectively Handle Temptation
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